MySayingsMyStory

nicolasandthecage:

do you realize that it takes 3 sheep to make one sweater???? amazing i didn’t even know they could knit

littleblackmaps:

i’m glad chris evans is a celebrity and not a regular person because i don’t know what i’d do if i saw him making me a latte at starbucks or cashing my check at the bank or teaching my english class

samhainchester:

piginapoke:

janecrocker:

deanassbutts:

sugar-velvet:

MIDDLE FINGERS UP

IF YOU DON’T GIVE A

*whispers quietly so my parents can’t hear me* frick

*POLICE SIRENS*

*HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING*

[gavin screaming]

who the fuck is Gavin

i don’t know but he seems pretty upset

die-agnos-ed:


TO ROME WITH LOVE

tw

rivalstruck:

soulsneasel:

why are bras called bras

battle ready armor

orangewave:

sagethenate:

orangewave:

i mean really, who doesn’t want to be a mermaid

the little mermaid

fucking christ

heckayeah:

cassimuffin:

FORESHADOWING

literally that car could be any car just passing by

spank-d:

fxkinq:

choked:

choked:

“Why are all my flowers dead, I gave them water to help them live.
I hooked them up to iv bags and performed blood transfusions with my own liquids.
It’s as if they were in a head on collision, in a 12 car pile up on a highway in August. As if they laid upon the asphalt in the sun, withering to the bone, they pass.
Why are all my flowers dead.”

HOLY SHIT FUCK.
19k notes eh. I havent realized how many notes this thing has gotten. thanks for the recognition, now if only galleries would do the same. 

are you talking about people, but using flowers instead bc if you are this just got 309% better and it was already perfect!


✖️

spank-d:

fxkinq:

choked:

choked:

“Why are all my flowers dead, I gave them water to help them live.

I hooked them up to iv bags and performed blood transfusions with my own liquids.

It’s as if they were in a head on collision, in a 12 car pile up on a highway in August. As if they laid upon the asphalt in the sun, withering to the bone, they pass.

Why are all my flowers dead.”

HOLY SHIT FUCK.

19k notes eh. I havent realized how many notes this thing has gotten. thanks for the recognition, now if only galleries would do the same. 

are you talking about people, but using flowers instead bc if you are this just got 309% better and it was already perfect!

✖️

what-the-hells-going-on:

ho-ho-holy-shit-its-christmas:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

I JUST DROPPED MY STRAIGHTENER IN THE SINK HELP WHAT DO I DO

I PULLED IT OUT BUT NOW ITS MAKING DEMON NOISES

IM AFRAID TO UNPLUG IT WHAT IF IT SHOCKS ME

IM GONNA UNPLUG IT HERE GOES

I UNPLUGGED IT BUT ITS STILL MAKING DEMON SOUNDS

your url makes a disturbing amount of sense right now.

STOP REBLOGGING THIS I ALMOST DIED

what-the-hells-going-on:

ho-ho-holy-shit-its-christmas:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

what-the-hells-going-on:

I JUST DROPPED MY STRAIGHTENER IN THE SINK HELP WHAT DO I DO

I PULLED IT OUT BUT NOW ITS MAKING DEMON NOISES

IM AFRAID TO UNPLUG IT WHAT IF IT SHOCKS ME

IM GONNA UNPLUG IT HERE GOES

I UNPLUGGED IT BUT ITS STILL MAKING DEMON SOUNDS

your url makes a disturbing amount of sense right now.

STOP REBLOGGING THIS I ALMOST DIED

relahvant:

GODDAMIT MR NOODLE

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

masqverades:

do you ever get so disgusted with yourself, like you can not believe how stupid and thoughtless you are and it’s so frustrating because you keep telling yourself that you’ll do better next time but then next time rolls around and the same thing keeps happening and you end up in this pattern of mediocrity. 

restlesslyaspiring:

pearlsandink:

Men’s Rights Activists.

OH MY GOD THIS IS A PERFECT REPRESENTATION